Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So many bounce houses so little time
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
