remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
