you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
