Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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