Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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