Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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