Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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