i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
