one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
