Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize