You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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