No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
