Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
