i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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