what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
