You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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