I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
