All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
