Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
