Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
