I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
