i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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