We named our party play list daddy issues
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
