I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
