It's Friday. Sex?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
