Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
