Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize