she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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