she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize