im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
