So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize