even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
