I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
