Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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