I smell stomach acid.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
pop tarts are not kleenex
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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