I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
