he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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