Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
