I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
