i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
