wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
