I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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