So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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