were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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