Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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