I think scott just propositioned me for sex
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
