Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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