Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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