Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They have beer where we have blood.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
