Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
