if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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