is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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