Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
