Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
