So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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