I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
