he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
