i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
