My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
