I smell stomach acid.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
But break dance skills will only take you so far
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize