i don't like sucking hair
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
