I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize