Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
