When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
