Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
