dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
