It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
