my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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