the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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