i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
