so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
