if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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