what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
