Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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