I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just want to make out with him forever
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
