his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
