maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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