You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
