The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
