This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize