PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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