And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
