why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
