She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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