I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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