he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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