i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
