The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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