Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
