Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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