he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
